You video recorded music I enacted. You lost the tag in the ocean – but saved the icon. You made us into something so much more than either of us dreamed to be. And as I sat under the stars with you, swaying in that hammock questioning how life could ever be this good, I realized: life will never be this good again.
Now I’m left here, lonely and alone, absent of your voice, your lips, your touch – I feel as though I’ve missed out on so much of life.
If I knew how to reach you, I would. If I knew how to write and tell you how much I cared, I would send the note. I would show you everything I wrote. I would care and love and dote…
But I told you to not speak to me. I told you to not write me; do not call me; do not contact me in anyway. And my god – you’re a good listener.
And now I’m miserable. Since my eyes are closed, my heart’s arrested both of us.
Seeing you while I walk down the sidewalk isn’t easy. The energy and fluster of a moment’s glance is overwhelming. All it takes is the shape of your face, the sweep of your hair, and the outline of your aura to completely derail my existence.
I can’t think. I can hardly see. It takes my complete attention to simply pull the next breath. Blood boils inside of me, filling every crack and crevice I didn’t know existed as a nervousness overtakes my psyche. I stumble as my knees shake. My heartbeat jumps to a sprint, and my soul leaves my body. I see myself from the third person, and I feel awkward, ashamed, and abandoned.
I wonder if you saw me, too. I wonder if you saw her. I wonder what you’re feeling, how you’ve been, and how you’re getting along. I wonder what you’ve been doing, who you’ve been seeing, and how you’ve been passing your days. I wonder if you think about me. I wonder if you know how much I think about you.
Pondering the past doesn’t pay for the present. Life’s about choices, and I made a snap choice to forego the life I could have shared with you. Nonetheless, I can’t disregard the emotional reaction I felt for several hours after milliseconds of accidentally taking you in. A simple mistake; a combination of fates; or a coincidence of convenience. No matter how much I regret the loss, fear the future, or miss our laughter, I can’t modify what’s occurred. I can’t change what I’ve done.
Trapped with all this nervous energy Capturing all that this could be Afraid of everywhere we’ll be Willing to try this with you, and you with me
Astounded by the moments we share As you lay next to me while I stare Running my fingers through your hair Questioning when I can show you I care
You say you want some boundaries Relationships are not foundries This isn’t steel we’re molding with lust This is love we’re trying to define with trust
You can leave your walls up to start While expectations we impart But like a Trojan Horse’s part I think I’m already inside your heart
Resistant to change the things we had We beg the dementia to take us away From contradictions driving us mad Simultaneously I want you to stay
I’m Lost in My Mind while we’re apart Down in the Valley questioning what’s true Can’t stop listening to The Head and the Heart I’ll cross Rivers and Roads to find you
Take a step back from what you’re feeling I’ll give you space from all this joy You didn’t intend it to be my heart you’re stealing The love we’ve fostered isn’t a toy
Resistant to jump into this blind Both terrified of what the future might bring And yet you’re now always on my mind Want to see you dance and hear you sing
Dream Chase Live 